Somewhere I belong

       Living in a world that I don't belong to. I suffocate. This is not my life, this is not my style, this is not my place, this is not me. This is not who I am. I know I can do better, I know there is something better out there. I feel trapped. Everything I do, everywhere I go, it's not enough, it's not good enough. Everybody hates me, because they don't know me, because I don't want to show them who I am, because there is no point. There is no point in anything. I just want to run away. Far away from here.The sooner the better. It doesn't matter where. Somewhere where I can start over. Somewhere where I can be whoever I wanna be, where I can be myself. Where I can start living. Where I can feel confident, where I can feel appreciated, where people don't judge other people just because they can. Starting the life that I have always dreamt of. Where I have my own place, where I do my own dishes, I cook what I want, I go out and come back at 4 am, and don't have to worry about what my mom will say. Where I'm independent, I have a nice job, I buy what I need and don't have to worry about poverty. Where I can buy flowers and put them in a vase on the kitchen table to smell like freshness for days. Where I can afford little surprises for the loved ones, where I can afford making my dreams come true. And ultimately, live my love story I never had. Where he is sweet, but manly. I'm crazy about him, and he always shows me that he cares. He calls just to hear my voice or shows up unexpectedly at my door to say he missed me. We can do anything we want together, we can talk for hours, stare at each other as if it's the first time we meet or we can keep perfectly still and never get bored. We fight and then we have make up sex. And then we have coffee. Black and strong.

     

  It's not too much to ask for. Or maybe it is.

What you don't know about me

I am a quiet person, but once you get to know me, you will change your mind.

I'm obsessed with lists. I'm even creating one now.

I like to joke with people who like joking.

I love trance. ATB to be mentioned.

I hate being told what to do.

There are at most 5 people in this world who I can totally trust.

I'm obessed with eyebrows.

I don't know what I am going to be when I grow up, but I know exactly what kind of a man I want, what kind of a car, what kind of a home. Which is bad.

I'm not allowed to sun bathe.

I'm a perfectionist, in a certain way.

I always want to change myself, but I epically fail at it.

I dream. Every night. A lot.

Although I want to fall in love and be in a relationship, I'm scared like shit of getting hurt and disappointed.

I've been told I'm like a ticking bomb. You never know when I'll explode. BOOM

My life is like a roller-coaster. Spinning and turning upside down when I least expect it.

Heck, I don't even know what to write next, all right, when inspiration strikes next, you'll be the first to know :D
     



Edit of 30.05.2015

I'm still pretty quiet, although much more confident.
I usually go silent when there is something dramatic going on in my life. Please don't ask me what's wrong with me. If I wanted to talk about it, I would have done so. And don't assume It's your fault for my unchatiness. It's not.

I'm not obsessed with eyebrows anymore.
I don't know what car, what home or what man I want in my life.
I'm still scared of relationships.