Weird Awsome Night

       How can a million emotions fit into one single mind? How can one single day feel like an entire park of roller coasters? How can things change from one minute to the other? How?
    I'm confused, right now. A tone. Weird shit, which I will have to pretend it never happened.

     Good news, finally I attended one of Carla's Dreams' concerts, at GOA. It was amazing, their connection with the audience, OMG, vibrant. I cannot describe the feeling, my voice still aches. Will post pictures. Way to go Carla's!!!

      The other part of my night, not sure if I can talk about it. I got some mixed signals from someone I shouldn't have. I just don't know what to make of it. One thing for sure is that we can never speak about it. Ever. Again. Not that it matters.

       Music. Weird music. Memories. Vulnerable. Feelings. Lost. Evanscence - My Immortal is playing right now. It reminds me of the first time I went to a disco 10 years ago, with some friends from the North. It reminds me of the first love, pure love. And I miss being loved. I'm sick and tired of loving without an answer. I'm starting to forget, or maybe not.
      Today I went to a place that reminded me of the worst day of....last years let's say, a place I wish it had never happened. And then I went to a place where I shared a coffee with ...him. It was snowing then. He loved the snow. Today it didn't snow, and he wasn't him. And it didn't matter as it used to.

       Music, excitement, heartaches, memories and confusion.

       Good night!

done

       Uuuuffff iarasi ma doare capu, iarasi m-am enervat si iarasi vreau sa pling si iarasi pling. Mi-e dor de Milashka mea, de cuciu meu. Iti vine a crede, fratella meu a luat-o si a dus-o de acasa, uite asa, gata :( Chiar m-am atasat de fiinta asta, mi-a adus atita bucurie, si acuma simt ca am tradat-o :( Si iaka mi-a venit si inspiratia de a scrie.

       Cherish every moment, for you may never know when it's the last time you see someone.

       Iara la mine umbla virtaleoate prin creier, nici nu inteleg cind is in depresii si cind nu. Azi am avut o zi buna, relativ. Saptamina trecuta a fost dezastru. Am inceput un job nou si a fost destul de stresant si obositor. Sper de acum in colo sa fie mai bine. Ce sa zic, cred uneori ca am nevoie de un spital intreg de medici ca sa ma lecuiasca, ca i feel like i'm falling apart. In special cu nervii. I feel down, i feel worthless, pointless, lifeless. Si stiu ca nu gindesc sanatos. Am momente de luciditate, cind parca am speranta ca totul va fi bine, insa majoritatea timpului simt ca nu merit, nu merit ceva mai bun, nu merit sa fiu fericita, nu merit sa ajung undeva mai departe.

       Because you can't fall when someone is holding your hand.

       Am observat o chestie, colegii de lucru, staff-ul de la noul job, Miss Doina, ei nu stiu de ce, dar cred in mine, imi insufla incredere ca o sa reusesc. In decursul saptaminii trecute am crezut ca renunt de vreo 50 de ori. Ei insa m-au incurajat intotdeauna. Si functioneaza . Adica conteaza cind cineva crede in tine. Mii dor de USA, am impresia ca a fost unica perioada cind ma simteam apreciata, sustinuta, respectata, pentru putinul care il faceam.
     
       So, i'm pathetic, i'm paranoid and i need a doctor.


ps: lyrics n-au nici o legatura cu starea mea de spirit, doar mi-a placut melodia.